Note: This column is part of Scott Lively's series "30 Days of Pride-Month Push-Back."
At the outset, let me apologize for the use of the slur "homophobe," which I contend is the rhetorical equivalent of "fag," and "bull dyke," and should as a matter of basic civility be excluded from public discourse. I use all three slurs today for illustration only.
As a second preliminary, let me admit that it is probably true in some few cases that people who strongly oppose the LGBT agenda do secretly struggle with same-sex attraction. I don't see anything wrong with that motive, and if it helps them resist those destructive urges, more power to them. That is not the case with me, although I'm often accused of it, my favorite example being one lady who insisted she could tell I was a homosexual because I have "kind-hearted eyes," bless her heart. I've always replied that I really don't care if my enemies think I am secretly "gay" – while also challenging them to be intellectually honest and admit that if I were "gay," that presumption should strengthen my case, not weaken it, in the same way that being a former drug addict and alcoholic (which I am) strengthens my arguments against substance abuse. But logic was never the strong suit of these types.
To be clear, by the mercy of God I have never experienced same-sex attraction, romantic or sexual. But as a former alcoholic and drug addict, I have always sympathized greatly with those who struggle with that sin/behavioral disorder, which is not "gay," but "SSAD." Indeed, in my observation, Same-Sex Attraction Disorder" is the toughest of all behavioral dysfunctions to cope with, for two reasons.
First, unlike most other addictions, the conduct one gets addicted to is not triggered by some external stimuli like pouring alcohol down your throat or pulling the arm of a slot machine, but the unavoidable prompting of one's internal sexual wiring. While it is technically true that all addiction is really about brain chemicals (what you actually get addicted to is stuff like endorphins), the external triggers also play an essential role. With sex addictions, you can't, like with whiskey, escape the temptations by simple abstinence and avoidance – you have to actively re-wire your sexual circuitry to re-orient your sexuality to match your physiology (which is hard, but not impossible) and to extinguish the harmful habits. That "re-wiring" can happen spontaneously through genuine lifestyle changes (most effective in the Christian spiritual context) or through "reparative therapy" such as one-on-one counseling and ex-gay groups equivalent to Alcoholics Anonymous. I know many ex-"gays" for whom these methods have been life-changing, and it is outrageous that the Marxists are trying to criminalize "gay" recovery all over the world. (To help counter that malign effort, support the life-affirming work of the Alliance for Therapeutic Choice and Scientific Integrity).
Second, unique in all behavioral science is the vehement, often violent resistance of SSAD sufferers to the assertion that recovery is possible and real hatred for those who pursue it. While there are some pale similarities to the phenomenon of active drunks mocking people who "go on the water wagon," and others who try to entice their recovering drinking buddies to come back to the bar, nothing in the world of recovery truly compares to the militarized anti-recovery industry of the LGBT movement, complete with relentless propaganda comparable to that of a nation at war and the persecution of dissenters at levels not seen since the Soviet Union. That is, of course, because they ARE, metaphorically, a "nation" at war – in reality just a vast army of useful idiots waging "sexual revolution" against Judeo-Christian civilization in service to Cultural Marxist elites (many of whom are afflicted with the same disorders). To encourage recovery is, literally, to undermine their military power.
But back to the subject of how I became a "homophobe." In my teens and 20s, I was a hard-left liberal on all the social issues. When my lesbian sister Shelly (third in order of the six children I was the eldest among) decided to come "out of the closet," I was the first person she approached because I was so liberal and "tolerant." A few years later, when I moved to Portland, Oregon, because of the liberal drug laws, I hired a lesbian as my car mechanic, and when I later formed a semi-Marxist-style "workers collective" of independent home repair contractors, I didn't hesitate to retain the new phone dispatcher "Doug" I'd just hired when he confessed to being a transvestite named "Rita" after hours. I could virtue-signal with the best of them.
The first change in my thinking occurred when a family I knew closely debated whether to take in a relative: a "gay" older teen boy accused of molesting kids while serving as a counselor at a boys camp back east. Naively, I didn't hesitate to recommend they do it to help the kid get a new start on the West Coast. A year or so later that family was in terrible crisis when it was revealed that this "gay" teen had molested their 4-year-old son. Later it was alleged he molested an older son as well. The family only discovered this when they sought counseling for the younger boy to understand why this formerly sweet and adorable child had become violent and filled with rage. That family never did recover. Both of the molested boys descended into drug addition and criminality as teens and to my knowledge continue on that trajectory to this day.
It was during that family's traumatizing wake-up call that my own family life changed massively as well. My addictions threatened to ruin my own family, and on my knees in a secular residential rehab center, I ended up getting saved and healed in prayer. I surrendered my life to Christ and was transformed in body and mind.
Shortly into my recovery life I received a call from Shelly whose own life had also entered a crisis phase. She had been discharged from the military for mental health problems, and her lesbian partnership had become abusive. I led her to the Lord over the phone and she repented of lesbianism. Shelly had developed bipolar disorder, which I had come to recognize as extremely common among homosexuals. My Dad (who was not homosexually oriented to my knowledge but had similar issues) was bipolar, and by observation I had surmised that the condition was at least in part a consequence of irreconcilable mental conflict over indefensible personal conduct relative to objective reality and moral absolutes.
But it was only later, when I became a Christian culture warrior against the killing of unborn babies that my eyes were opened to the reality of the war of the "deathstyles" against the culture of life – and saw with my own eyes that the army of the left – at least on the front lines – was mostly LGBT activists. That's when I became a "homophobe," determined to stop them from the literally demonic goal of destroying humanity (including themselves), thinking they were doing "good." That, of course, put me in their cross-hairs more than almost any other American.
Of all the evil they did to hurt me, the worst was the "murder" of my sister. She had fallen back into a platonic (emotionally) lesbian-lite lifestyle with a former partner dying of cancer who needed a companion. When the global news media falsely and maliciously accused me of masterminding the "Kill the Gays" bill in Uganda, Shelly had a mental health breakdown I assumed was related to that. When in a manic state she got violent at the VA hospital and was put in four-point restraints without water so long that she got blood clots in her lungs. There was a brief mad scramble supposedly to save her, in the midst of which she died of a heart attack. My Mom won a wrongful death lawsuit against the VA over that.
I believe but can't prove that Shelly was mistreated – even murdered – because leftist LGBTs or their allies hate me – many of whom reading this testimony even now will rejoice that I suffered this terrible loss. Yet, despite that belief, I don't hate the LGBTs like they hate me. I became a "homophobe" (long before Shelly's demise) to try to save them from the consequences of their sin and to save my country (and the world) from their mission to supplant Christianity with Marxism. (As Jesus said on the cross, "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do.")
Despite everything they've done to me, I truly love them with the love of Christ as much as they hate me for being like Him. If that's "homophobia" then, yes, I AM a "homophobe."
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