[Editor's note: This story originally was published by Real Clear Religion.]
By Deirdre Reilly
Real Clear Religion
Most churches do their best to be welcoming places for strangers and non-believers, but there are concrete reasons that church membership in the U.S. is declining, according to a March 2021 Gallup poll. Many families today do not see the inside of a church except for Easter and Christmas. Why aren’t they returning, after hearing what are no doubt uplifting messages on these two important holidays?
As a Christian whose church attendance in the past has been spotty, I offer some insights in my new book, “The Pretend Christian: Traveling Beyond Denomination to the True Jesus.” In it, I examine three possible causes for declining church membership and engagement.
Allowing Exclusionary Behavior to Fester in Church Communities
If we haven’t been attending church, we feel guilty. Let’s face it: most of us know that feeling of awkwardness as we slink back into God’s house, waving hesitantly at others who are pleased (and surprised!) to see us there. An engaged church family normally gels into a somewhat-cohesive unit, and since we haven’t been to church in a while, we feel how outside of the bubble we are. This is normal, and not the pastor’s fault – you have to participate to be included, after all. However, I posit that a pastor, priest, or faith leader who speaks to us first from the pulpit – not just welcoming us, but spending a few dedicated, thoughtful moments speaking directly to us, will make us stop squirming and start listening. Don’t exclude us from worship with quips like, “I’m seeing lots of faces I don’t normally see here; where’ve you been?”
In my book, I illustrate how teen worship groups can foment exclusionary behavior. Invited as a nineteen-year-old non-believer to a youth group, I proceeded to entangle myself in a rousing game of “Bible Trivia,” which ended in eye-rolling and snickering from other teens when I couldn’t answer basic questions. This chased me away from worship of any kind for several years – why would I want to become like that? Teens can be great evangelists if they are reminded of their importance in their church’s mission to lead others to Christ and counseled to stay open to others of all kinds.
Forgetting That People Are More Important Than Symbols
In my book, I share a time in college where I was undoubtedly experiencing some classic depression. Still a non-believer, I wandered in desperation to a Catholic Church where I sat alone, tears in my eyes, hoping God would present Himself to me in some way, as a ghost, spirit, or just a feeling of release from descending darkness. A priest eventually walked in through a side door up front, pausing to bow reverentially in front of the altar. He then made his way to the back of the church and, after listening to me explain haltingly about my exhaustion and lostness, he asked, “Have you been to Health Services for the exhaustion?” He then proceeded to begin a lecture on sexual wantonness on campus. I stood up and fled, mumbling apologies.
This priest, who bowed respectfully in front of Christian symbols, dismissed a human being in need right in front of him. This happens on a large scale, too. Joel Osteen infamously did not open the doors of his megachurch – capacity 16,000 – during Hurricane Harvey, until public pressure forced him to do so. Suffering people resting in seats or being nourished while lying on the church floors would have been a lot more evidential of Christians’ love and care for others – and the Gospel – than a pristine, empty, echoing church.
Preaching a “Woke” Message to Us
We hear “woke” conversations and challenges all week long and, increasingly, we hear the same messages at church. Spending time affirming and discussing gender identity and sexual preferences naturally cuts into time spent on what matters: our souls, which desperately need God. Everyone, no matter what their lifestyle, has a soul, and church is the soul hospital.
Most worshippers and searchers want and need to feel several things that take the church experience from rather ordinary to truly revelatory: a faith leader’s focus on our inner, hidden lives; the promise of eternity with God; and evidence of an ordered universe that includes wrath and wrath satisfied – Christ’s crucifixion and resurrection. Our churches are bowing to the current trend of handling societal issues from the pulpit, and newer or returning church attendees realize they can receive those messages at work, in the neighborhood, or online.
Offer us the joy in the Gospel. In my chapter titled, “Why Have I Not Heard of This God?” I share how I forgot about the pure “shout it from the mountains” joy of faith when teaching my own children about God. I forgot that God loves adventure and the natural world He created. He is with my children when they snowboard down a mountain, jump, run, play, and dream. He is a part of every good and healthy endeavor and His joy at our joy should not be overlooked.
Offer us something different, faith leaders. Offer us hope and truth. Risk losing us as members to save our souls and we will come back. Focus on the joy and meaning to be found in true relationship with God. Remind us of sin and the critical importance of repentance.
Simply, offer us Jesus – the only way to eternal life.
Deirdre Reilly is a regular Faith contributor to crosswalk.com, and the author of the book, “The Pretend Christian: Traveling Beyond Denomination to the True Jesus.” She will deliver the keynote speech to the August Global Connect meeting of Christian Women in Media Association.
[Editor's note: This story originally was published by Real Clear Religion.]
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